Always Learning

Andy's thoughts and other musings

Monday, September 19, 2005

Spiritual Cotton Mouth

You ever feel dry? You ever feel empty? You ever feel like the ground in the middle of July when it has not rained in a long time? I have not written for several weeks because I feel parched.

My dad used to call it cotton mouth. He would say something like, "I sure am cotton mouth right now." I suppose that spiritually I feel cotton mouth. The strange part about this feeling is that it has been growing in me for several weeks. I have known it was coming. I have known that I was thirsting and yet I did not go to the well. I did not ask for the water that will never run dry. I continued to try to fill my own need.

I awoke last Saturday morning and was not able to sleep. I have wanted to write again, yet as I stated before, "There was emptiness." I started writing as is my practice and it led me to look at the scriptures. As I was looking, I stumbled over something that puzzled me. I have read this story many times, but I have never really listened to what it said.

In Mark 6, Jesus is still doing the traveling preacher thing. He is going from town to town. He ends up back in his hometown. He is spotted by the leaders and people who know him. As they watch him, they question where his ability to perform miracles come from. They know that he is a common guy. They even know his family. This leads them to the conclusion that he should not be able to do the things he is doing. Most of you know that one of Jesus' more popularly quoted lines is here, "Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house is a prophet without honor (Mark 6:4) ." It is the following verses, however, that have me perplexed. Jesus stated that he could not do any miracles there. He could only lay hands on a few of the sick. It says that Jesus was amazed by their lack of faith.

This is so interesting to me. I have been parched for weeks. I have not been striving to have a deep connected faith. I have not desired to have Christ working in my life. If I read this right, I have taken the power of Christ out of my life. Am I saying that Christ is powerless? NO! But I do believe that this means that I will be empty as long as I am doing nothing so show Christ I am faithful.

Last night I taught a lesson to the teens. I realized that if I want to have a faith that is trained and hard, I have to train and be hard. I have to have spiritual discipline. This discipline will not come without the character and courage to admit my mistakes and rectify them.

I don't want Jesus to shake his head in amazement at me and say, "Andy, how can you be so dry?" I mean come on, how many times have I heard Jesus offering me living water? I don't have to be dry. Jesus doesn't have to shake his head at me because of my disbelief. Here is the point; I have caused my Spiritual cotton mouth. I have not put my faith into practice. I have not used my spiritual discipline.

If I expect myself to read and pray daily, I had better ask myself first, "Why should I do that?" If I can't come back with, "Because he loves me", what is the point? I tell the teens this constantly. Our faith is not in ourselves. It is not what we do for ourselves. It is the belief that what God has done for me has made me right. I desire to believe in Jesus because he desires for me to believe in him. Isn't it a powerful concept that the measure of our belief in him, limits his power in us.

I will try to pray and read this week with the theme of believing in Jesus' power to feel my empty, thirsty soul. May God bless you this week.

1 Comments:

Blogger Deb said...

Andy
At a time when all our minds have been on the 'killing waters' on the gulf, and we are all trying to figure out how we become part of the solution, and the desparate wonder if God is watching them...
I don't wonder that you have a need for the "living water".

I hope you find the peace you seek.
deb

12:59 PM  

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